New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
