can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
