I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
