I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize