Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
