i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
