I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
