I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
