I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
