I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
