I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
