I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
