So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
