I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
