Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
