no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
40s are totally the cure
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
