hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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