im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
