We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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