What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
