it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize