Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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