Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
