That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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