We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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