Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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