im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
