May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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