I have demons in me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
