Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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