I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
