The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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