this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
