Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
