Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't make out with my wife yet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
