Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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