My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
