The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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