we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
