I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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