bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
