I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
