Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
