Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize