I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
