You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
