singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
