Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
