I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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