Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize