He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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