help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
