did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
