You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize