i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
