just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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