so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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