you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
