Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
