Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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