I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
