I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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