I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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