Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
