THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
