he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
