i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
