He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
