I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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