Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
