i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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