Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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